Can We Get Some Real Guests Please?

Greetings all. I’m back from my Easter holidays. I got going to that Easter Island with all the giant head statues on it. It was a bit disappointing. I expected them to be filled with chocolate or something on the inside. Lousy natives must have eaten it already. I ended up buying a handful of Toblerones in the duty-free shop on my way home.

Anyhoozlebees, despite eating a ton of chocolate, I was in a bit of a cranky mood when i got back. Due to delays and paperwork, I only arrived at RTE an hour before Friday’s show was due to begin.

Who’d have thought the staff at Dublin Airport would get angry over me dressing up like Osama Bin Laden? They even made me shave the 2-week beard I had grown for the costume.

So,there I am anyway, running into the studio with no idea who the show-runners had booked.

And what guests did I have when I got there?

Fecking John Waters,Eamon Dunphy and some other guy. Talking about Bertie Ahern and whether he’s a crook or not.

Jesus wept.

I don’t really get on with those guys well. They put the “Dum” into Boredom.

Like John Waters. He doesn’t like me asking him how the songwriting career is going. Or how is Sinead O’Connor these days.

But Dunphy is the worst. Always wants to upstage me. He hosted a rival chat show a few years ago, and it failed miserably. Still, it’s always fun to let him know he’s my bitch.

Speaking of people that you just want to punch, Gerard Kean was on the show. Along with some other people who are actually famous, all promoting their new Celebrity GAA Manager show. I actually had no clue who this guy was, but from what the Sunday Independent “Showbiz” section says, he’s the coolest guy in Ireland.

I didn’t rate him too highly. For one thing, he doesn’t play football. Like Robbie or Roy Keane. What’s up with that?

Fecking useless shower of guests, the lot of them.

And don’t even get me started on those poncey millionaire computer science kids. I didn’t have loads of money when i was their age. I had to work really hard for all the money I get now.

Well, not really. But still!