Posts Tagged 'Limerick'

I’m Alive!

Yes. I know it’s been a while since I posted. But you don’t get much of an Internet connection in the west of Ireland. I never realised how bad some people have it! There’s even people that have never heard of Panini sandwiches. It’s scary.

So just to bring people up to speed on how the last few weeks have went:

We went to Cork. It was ok. Couldn’t understand a word of what the people were saying.

We went to Longford. It was ok. Couldn’t understand a word of what the people were saying.

We went to Donegal. It was ok. Couldn’t understand a word of what the people were saying.

We went to Meath. It was ok. Couldn’t understand a word of what the people were saying.

Got some great footage for the reality show though. And some not so great, but we’ll be able to fix that in the editing room after. The editors at RTE can do anything. Like the time that guy burst on stage during one of the Friday shows. No-one watching knew anything odd happened.

Thing is, the whole celebrity roommate aspect to the show hit a snag. We ran out of celebrities who were willing to appear on the show. Everyone that didn’t have a shred of dignity were all appearing on the Failte Towers show.

So we were saddled with the only available celebrity: George Hook.

For the whole month. Feck. If I ever hear one more story from him about rugby or erectile dysfunction, I’ll cut my ears off. The producers have told me he’s booked for a show appearance in October, so we can reminisce about sharing a caravan for a month. Oh great…

Next week is the last week of the nationwide tour. I’ll be heading for my toughest challenge yet. Even tougher than the time I was dared to run through Limerick with a target sign on me.

Harsh weather. Lack of proper infrastructure. Possibly inbred folk. Chances are I may not make it out alive.

That’s right people; I’m going to Leitrim.

They don’t have Panini sandwiches there either.


Guns Don’t Kill People, People That Have Guns Do. Duh.

Have a look at what some gee-bag wrote:


I hate to admit this, but this is kind of half true.

Firstly, I am not a bastard. I know who my parents are.

Pity the same can’t be said for my (unfortunately named) cousin Kenny Kenny, however.

He’s always been a bit of a weird one too. I mean seriously, what kind of guy has 5 nipples?

Secondly, I will admit. I am Anti-Limerick.

I honestly cannot stand those poems. They’re so stupid.

Like this one someone sent as a text message to the radio show:

There once was a man named Pat.

But many people called him a twat.

They pulled out a gun,

And then had some fun,

But he put it away before somebody got hurt.

However, people in County Limerick, Ireland, think that I have a problem with them.

Ever since “The Moyross Incident“.

I was presenting a show down there one evening, when afterwards, I met some local youths who were fans of the popular television show 24. They were very bulky kids. But that was due to them wearing bullet-proof vests underneath their clothes. Except for one kid. He was just fat.

I made the mistake of asking what was he packing. When he pulled out a semi-automatic broom-handle Mauser. Those things have a terrible recoil upwards of a distance of, if I’m not mistaken, 100 yards. After that, it’s all over the shop. (Watching all those James Bond films really pays off).

Afterwards, anyhow, the lot of us went on a drive-around as they showed me all the sights Limerick has to offer. It was tremendous fun. We’re still keep in touch to this day.

So there you have it. I don’t hate the county of Limerick. Or the city. It’s all good.

Well, except for the stabbings. People aught to come to Dublin. It’s a lot safer, apparently.

I don’t know for sure. That’s just what my researchers tell me.

May 2018
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