Posts Tagged 'Inbreeding'

Is This The Real Life? Is This Just Fantasy?

So, I made it out of Leitrim. Just about. The experience was far worse than anything I could have expected. It reminded me of that film The Hills Have Eyes. Unfortunately, we didn’t get much camera footage. When we set the cameras rolling, the locals ganged up and accused our cameraman of trying to steal their souls. Such a shame they sacrificed him inside a large wicker man like that. Oh well, he knew what the job entailed.

So anyhow, now that the national tour is done and dusted, we jetted on down the N3 road on the way home for a well-deserved rest.

Well, so I thought. For some inexplicable reason, the feckwits, I mean bosses, at RTE thought I should present The Late Late Show from Wexford Opera House. I should be angry that I’m kept outside Dublin for a bit longer, but on the other hand, I’m actually psyched for this. I’m flattered that they arranged such a grand venue for me to show off my vocal talents.

The last time I sung in public was when I was a little tipsy at Oxegen and got up to do karaoke in the VIP bar. Which was an amazing sight to see. I do an excellent 48-minute version of Bohemian Rhapsody. Falsetto voices, manic dancing, removal of shirts, head banging, and jumping kicks, I give it the full 110%. And the people in the crowd (that haven’t left by then) cheer like they’re insane.

Plus I’m going to be backed up by the RTE Concert Orchestra, which is mega wicked awesome. We’ve got every type of instrumentalist in that orchestra: a violinist, a cello player, a triangle player, and even a guy who can make noises with his armpits. Oh-ho, it’s going to be a good show. See you all there!

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I’m Alive!

Yes. I know it’s been a while since I posted. But you don’t get much of an Internet connection in the west of Ireland. I never realised how bad some people have it! There’s even people that have never heard of Panini sandwiches. It’s scary.

So just to bring people up to speed on how the last few weeks have went:

We went to Cork. It was ok. Couldn’t understand a word of what the people were saying.

We went to Longford. It was ok. Couldn’t understand a word of what the people were saying.

We went to Donegal. It was ok. Couldn’t understand a word of what the people were saying.

We went to Meath. It was ok. Couldn’t understand a word of what the people were saying.

Got some great footage for the reality show though. And some not so great, but we’ll be able to fix that in the editing room after. The editors at RTE can do anything. Like the time that guy burst on stage during one of the Friday shows. No-one watching knew anything odd happened.

Thing is, the whole celebrity roommate aspect to the show hit a snag. We ran out of celebrities who were willing to appear on the show. Everyone that didn’t have a shred of dignity were all appearing on the Failte Towers show.

So we were saddled with the only available celebrity: George Hook.

For the whole month. Feck. If I ever hear one more story from him about rugby or erectile dysfunction, I’ll cut my ears off. The producers have told me he’s booked for a show appearance in October, so we can reminisce about sharing a caravan for a month. Oh great…

Next week is the last week of the nationwide tour. I’ll be heading for my toughest challenge yet. Even tougher than the time I was dared to run through Limerick with a target sign on me.

Harsh weather. Lack of proper infrastructure. Possibly inbred folk. Chances are I may not make it out alive.

That’s right people; I’m going to Leitrim.

They don’t have Panini sandwiches there either.