I’m Just A Love Machine.

So. Last night was “The Love Special” of the Late Late Show. It’s all because of Valentine’s day next week. Obviously.

I actually hate doing these type of episodes. It’s hard interviewing women when i know they’re attracted to the Ken-dog. Like that woman talking about how in all her relationships she was a mistress. (Slut.) She so wanted me. Like when she was flirting and noticed that my wedding ring wasn’t on my finger…

(I actually keep it attached to somewhere else on my person. and it’s too painful to remove.)

Anyway, yes. It’s hard being so irresistible to the women. I try play the heartless bastard (“Hello competition winner. You’re a widow? So are some other people on the show. Hahahaha.“),so they’ll find me less desirable, but nothing.

I have to resort to the mention of Ashley Cole being drunk and puking on some girls carpet (Not a euphemism) so as to turn some of them off, but it doesn’t work. They’re drawn to my charm like flies to dog-shit.

It must be my sexy “Teak-scented” cologne that does it.

Now,don’t get me wrong. 40 years ago, I’d take advantage and be in and out of women’s bedrooms like a fiddler’s elbow. But i love my wife. She doesn’t laugh when i do goofy things – like dancing like a chicken while in the nip at home. Actually, she does laugh. But she’s laughing because it’s funny, and not at my genitals.

Or so she tells me…


1 Response to “I’m Just A Love Machine.”

  1. 1 Katherine February 14, 2008 at 11:26 pm

    Pat. You are awesome. My second name is Kenny too. When people slag you off I say you’re my uncle. You should see their faces then. Of course, I quickly retract my statement.

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February 2008
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