Apologies To The Tent I Peed On…

I am wrecked. Oxegen was a blast. So tired after it though.

I got to see so many amazing bands over the weekend. Especially front row for Rage Against The Machine. It was so much fun moshing away in the pit area there. Where else will you get a chance to smack some spotty teenagers in the face and get away with it? I mean, I’ve done it before, but still it’s more fun when I don’t have to pay people off afterwards.

There was so much more craic to have been had over in the campsites however. Thanks to paying off the security, I was able to drive the campervan right into the site. The people whose tent I crushed weren’t too pleased. Especially since they happened to have been in it at the time. Oops.

We also got into a bit of further trouble later on the Thursday evening. The wife had brought a 12 pack of cigarettes with her, but had forgotten to get a lighter. I ended up creating a makeshift blowtorch for her using the cooker and a can of deodorant. Unfortunately, it was too strong. Still, her eyebrows will eventually grow back, right?

My only complaint about the whole weekend was the weather. Sunday was a lovely warm day, but the Friday was so wet, that I had to stay stuck in the tents. Means I missed that Kings of Lion band. I really wanted to go and sing “Hakuna Matata”.

Instead I got that Cowboy singer guy Mundy, with his singing about girls from Galway. They’re not even remotely attractive!

Ah, well, I can always see them next year. Roll on Oxegen 2009!

Can’t Wait to see Bell Eleven again.

It’s been a bit of a crisis week here. Eddie Hobbs didn’t like hanging around with us. He bailed out after 2 days. Literally bailed out. We were driving to Clare when he opened the door and jumped. According to him, he “couldn’t stand the smell of your feet like.” And not a lick of help with my finances!

So a new plan was formed: Oxegen Festival! We got tickets for it there off of a scalper. For real cheap too. Only a grand for the lot of us to get in. (This whole Irish recession thing is great!)

I can’t wait to see all the artists advertised for playing it. All my favourites are there. Like Rodge Against The Machine (An excellent one man band), or The Kings of Lion. I believe they are a musical tribute to the classic Disney film.

I hear from the kids that Oxegen is great. They have loads of stuff there, like tents and toilets and even a Wine House. It’s apparently owned by some girl named Amy. Can’t wait to go there for a quiet drink.

So, right now we’re just waiting outside the campsite, playing strip poker to pass the time. I keep winning. Or losing, depending on how you see things. The wife is the only female in the caravan, and I see her naked all the time. Not by my choice either.

Speaking of what’s hot and what’s not, I hope the weather’s going to be good for this. I only have all my beachwear with me, because I thought we were off to the beach. Still, I can get by in my sandals and shorts. It’s a music festival in the middle of July. It’s hardly going to rain, is it?

Till the next time: Rock “N” Roll. Dudes!

Having An Offaly Good Time.

Wow. That was boring. Didn’t even meet the Taoiseach. Although to be fair, I can barely remember anything that happened in the last week. It’s all that Hector’s fault. You know how he promotes Whiskey? Well, didn’t he bring a whole case of it. We wouldn’t have needed it, only for us being in Offaly.

Seriously, what is there to do there? It’s ok going to places, and seeing local attractions, but that can be done in 2 days. The rest of the week just drags right on.

The lot of us ended up playing games to relieve our boredom. Like “Drink the Whiskey”. You get another one for winning. By lunchtime, we were pretty rat-arsed.

That’s when the cameraman explained that I had to go and interview a local group of locals. I ended up slurring my way through a talk on the town’s local history.

Even worse was that ginger gobshite dancing around behind the camera trying to get me to laugh. I burst out laughing just as I was told some emotional sob story. Not good. The whole day’s work had to be scrapped. Which set us back a bit.

I got my revenge on Hector though. We got him really drunk and dyed his hair black. That’ll teach him to mess with me. Then, for extra fun, I gagged his mouth and put a balaclava on him, before gluing toy guns to his hands. We then dumped him outside the local garda station.

He’s not going to be doing much travelling for a while…

So, on we went to the next destination to meet up with the newest celebrity guest.

We’re off to County Clare with the one and only Eddie “The Eagle” Hobbs. He’s going to show us how to go surfing at the seaside, while at the same time also teaching us about saving our money.

I think that’s it. He said something about floating interest rates anyway. I can’t wait!